Sunday, October 31, 2010

Should this be in Cursed with Power?

This is an excerpt I considered putting into the book because I wrote something similar --not directly similar, mind you--to this last night when I was talking with my best friend.  I felt like here Celestria and I got closer to one another because while Celestria speaks about a man she is evidently falling in love with, I spoke about a man I am in love with during a similar narration.

Anyways, here it is and tell me what you think.  If this goes into the book, it won't go in near the beginning...probably more near the end.  Last note, I know Celestria never says who "he" is but you can infer and I personally think it's more dramatic that way.

I lie down and stare at the star filled sky.  The moon appears as a crescent tonight, but I hardly notice this.  I am determined to watch the stars until I stop crying, thinking, and pondering over everything that has happened.  And maybe those good times will come back to me...
I feel as if I am in the darkness.  While there are lights in the sky I remain in the shadows, and there is no way out.  There are creatures around me.  They are people I know…people I care about.  They are crowding around me, taking away my every breath.  They are all taking, but it is one I recognize out of the entire crowd.  He is wearing a white tunic and velvet pants; he looks as handsome as ever.  He smiles at me like he knows that will draw my attention to him and him alone.
        He’s right; I’m fully focused on him and I ignore the others around me.  He holds out his hand to me and I casually take it, though I hesitate for a moment.  Is this real?  Is he real?  I don’t care anymore.  I hold onto his hand…and he stands beside me as I watch events that have never occurred before.  I see us getting married, him reading to a young girl, me holding a baby in my arms, and then… Then the smile and the confusion wipes away from my face.  Next there is a grave with the name “Irvine” engraved into it; he and I are running for our lives; I’m lying on the ground…motionless….

When it’s over he has not left me… We are standing together; me, holding his hand, and him whistling a song.  I close my eyes and that’s when it’s so hard for me to open them again.  I feel him wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me close to him, but I cannot see any of it.
I cannot because my eyes are closed…and it’s dark.  It is always dark here.

"There's a lot that I want." He said. He smirked as he said it like he knew he was pushing my patience.


  1. It's nice, but I'm not sure if it goes with the storyline of Cursed with Power or not. Maybe I've not read enough. But would you change it to past tense? Then it would fit better. With a little tweaking, I think it could be really good. And I love the picture.

  2. I would change it to past tense; when I wrote it I had been up for hours and I couldn't manage to think in the correct tense so I just wrote it in present.
    Hmm, well maybe you're not able to say yet because you haven't read enough but believe it or not I forshadowed A LOT just in that small excerpt.